I can only laugh....

The time I have spent, worrying and caring, and just spending time on other people, and their emotions and feelings. It over now. And I'm actually not angry. I just, understand that better now. I'm here, you are there. And any relationship is a two way bridge between those points. The fact remains, I am here, always have been always will be, but I'm not making changes to build that bridge to get you anymore. I'm here, if you want this in your life, if you want any of this in your life, then you build the bridge, you come and get it. I'm not carrying it all anymore. I'm not building it anymore. YOU, do it.

And I see now that, as much as I carried on, and cried and vented, it was never really my place. I guess, I have my own little dream going on, but ultimately, I cant control others decisions. They either want to be here and be part of this, or they don't. And the stories, their stories, well, those are their stories. Not mine to tell or try be part of. I guess I could try be part of them, sure, yeah. But I'm tired of that. I don't see anyone trying to be part of this story, so I'm going full blown selfish. Fuck you all. And oh man, I'm playing with fire here. ALL. So sorry but this is our time. I have to focus a lot of energy into whats going on in this life right now. And no hard feelings, no expectations. Those who are meant to be here, will be. And any stories later of "oh but...", well guess we will deal with that then. I tried, today, the last week to make a plan. I changed the venue, yes my bad, only for concern about my family. And now this drama. And I'm tired of it. I'm not doing this anymore for anyone else. I put in the effort, and if it wasn't good enough, well then I guess I'm sorry? I guess, I'm done? If you cant see my efforts, then how how long, for what must I carry on? For your 'Grace', for your 'Presence'? Sorry, I'm just done. You are either here, or there, and if you are there, then hey, that's also cool, go for it. But be....THERE then. Don't come after the fact with whatever bollocks stories.