It doesnt really matter really.

Talks, and more talks. words and more more, just noise. Blah blah blah blah blah......blah blah. Im shouting in to a storm and the but the storm I'm in is just people. All with words, opinions and views. All desperately clinging on to their own rock of faith. And let you DARE cross those boundaries. Let you dare object, or ask a question, and the true inner personality comes out.

I'm tired of not being heard. It feels like saying stuff is exactly that, just stuff. No one listens, and the things I want to do, its just stuff. I feel like I'm just circling the drain. Around and around, same concerns, same arguments, same words, same people, same points of view. Bu the end of the drain, thats the final stop. Theres no adventure in the drain pipe, you just circle around it till the end. It all feels the same, it all feels like that drain pipe is getting closer. And Im not much bothered about it. We all put ourselves first, none of us really think of others. Isnt that what life ultimately is all about? Putting my child, that little awesome boy before me? The rest? Irrelevant. Even me.

I guess Ill go on tomorrow, always have. And I wont point fingers, or say anything, or argue. just get thorugh the day. And tomorrow night, I'll sit here again. Maybe in the dark, maybe in front of a switched off TV, maybe submerged in a game based on violence. Who knows, and honestly. Who cares.

Warning bells

Dam. Its starting again. Its been starting for a few weeks, and I was merrily ignoring it.Hoping it was just a phase just a moment in time. Things are starting to feel the same again. Im starting to see and fee the same feelings. I'm pulling away, building walls, isolating myself. I think of people and I go numb. I look at people, and get angry.I listen to people, and get sad.

Its harder to paint on that happy face, and even harder to care about what people are complaining about.But the situation is very different this time.

My proof, my truth

More and more people are turning to pills to deal with life, with depression, anxiety and stress. Those who don't, are they ones who aren't reaching out for help. In a way, its their 'own fault'.

But what if they are the ones who don't want to whitewash their brains into a fake sense of security, a chemically induced happy place that ultimately, just numbs them to the actual reality of this world. If the world is actually such a good place, why are there so many people on all these drugs? And yet, speak to anyone, reach out for help, and there's a pill for every unanswered question. And narrow that all down, a pill to help you not care, not see, not feel. Put you in a box with walls that keep you safe from a very real world out there.

And that's my proof. My truth? My truth is that there is something wrong with the world. Its not just me. It can't be just me, if there are so many people riding the pill train. And the only help offered is an open hand offering me a ticket onto that train. And if I don't get on that train, then its me who doesn't want help. My truth, is that I don't want that help. That isn't help, its a placebo, a wall to make me as numb as you. The problem doesn't lie with me, who gets frustrated and angry at a world that's so self absorbed. The problem is your open hand, with that little white lie of a pill. The problem is you, the people that will take a pill before actually standing up and saying 'I call bullshit' on all of this.

Its been a very long week, and now more than ever I feel right about above written things. The world is a total fuck up, but yes, it is my problem. It is yours too. But what are we doing about it? Hand over a pill pls.