Its been a long month and a half.

Not quite the beginning to the new year one would hope for. Spent a bit of time being sick, or off from work sick at least. Stomach, tooth extractions, bronchitis. And all this, just when I have some sort of breakdown, and end up on anti depressants and a therapist.

Fuck. Where did it go? The faith, the confidence? The meaning? I just feel lost right now. Not like a drunken stupor lost. Its a real life lost. I drank to contain it, and now, there is no containing it. Its there all the time. Its just there. I shy away from people. I go out of my way to avoid them, I don't enjoy interaction anymore, and the quieter and more alone I am, the more I feel at peace with the world. I had a funeral on Friday, and had car issues on Monday (Or so I said) and went back to work today. within 15 minutes I was sweating like a boar to the point where people asked me if I was ok. I was so irritated. I thought I was better than this. I do have bronchitis, went to the doc and she said it could be the anti depressants or the bronchitis causing it. Point is, I feel like a stranger to myself. I don't know whats going on, or how to handle it. Guess that's why I have a therapist.

Guess we all go through life on our own paths. Sometimes we fall, sometimes we stand up. Sometimes we need a hand getting back up. Its hard to take that hand when you're used to standing up on your own.