Dissociation

Im feeling better these days. Not ecstatically overwhelmed with joy. But more,curiously calm. Certain things that would normally have bothered me, just dont really bother me that much now. Its not the raging fire inside it normally is. And its not an unseen change either. Little things. Little mannerisms. Things that make my wife ask 'are we still ok?' and of course, the answer is yes. How could, or would it not be ok if I agree to everything? And that's the little change I'm talking about. Right there. I'm not saying that out of anger, or frustration or even sarcasm. Ive just started treating people the way they treat me. Im reserving my right, to treat others with no more, or less, respect than what they treat me with. And people dont understand why.

There are little things I asked for, and did, that to me, just dont seem that important anymore. They serve no real purpose other than to keep me busy and others content. Take away those things, and people start asking 'Whats wrong', and nothings wrong. I'm merely putting in an equal measure of effort now. And I understand why people are the way they are. We're all geared for maximum gain with minimal effort. And I'm comfortable with that, to try that suit on for a while, just run with it. 

And its calm. Thats the thing, I dont know if the words I'm writing convey the calm. Like, just understanding things a bit better, seeing things differently. I asked for perspective, and found it. I found some inner peace in my own life. There's no real explaining it. If you want to talk, talk. If you want quiet, then say nothing. I dont have much to say these days I guess.