Another June

 Im raging. But Im quiet. No one knows. Sshhh. I am just so angry at everything. 

The tale of never again

 It all begins, and all end's, with the line "Never Again."

I was always shy. I played the part and got on by, but when on my own, I was comfortable. It took me a long time to learn the social skills that a lot of people use. Looking back, I always yearned for "That one true love", I'm guilty of that. 

I got divorced, my first wife, and simply because I was not the man I was meant to be. I cheated, I lied, and at some point, I decided to stop. The only way to stop, was by teling her the truth. She was not happy. But she still loved me, was willing to make ammends, and I walked away, too dissapointed in myself.

I am not innocent. I am not claiming to be a victim here, its just my account of 17 years worth of relationship.

I cry inside everyday for what I lost. No one ever see's it because its inside, I dont show it too the world.

I dont know if anyone will ever understand, that loss. I have people, close, telling me "just let it go!" and "why are you paying if you have no say?", and what they say, sounds so right, but feels so wrong? It never been about cash or money. Its only ever been about principle. 

One year

 Its been a year. I havent written anything this year, just been rowing the flow. Im still so angry, even on the meds the dr gave me. Betrayal. This kind of betrayal. The ultimate kick in the teeth, and I just can tlet go.

Its not good for me.A lot of whats going on, is not good for me. One step at a time, one day at a time. Im trying.