I hate I love

Thats a long list right there. Love and hate. Sometimes I think its not one or the other, its both.

For every one thing I love, there's something I hate. And vice versa. There's a puzzle here that I need to figure out.

I love......so much about my life. I love the little man in our lives. I love everything he stands for even though he doesnt know what all that is yet, even in his own life.

I hate.....that he will have to go through so much. It will not be a normal life. It will have to be filled with caution and warnings. It will have to be filled with, watching every step, every move. Even just with peoples emotions.

I love......the endless opportunity of this little man and his curiosity. Why is everything the way it is? The questions, all of them. Doesnt matter hoe many times he asks, I love them all.

I hate.....knowing that all this will be hard. I love knowing I will be his wall. How it doesnt matter what happens, I will still always be here. No matter what, let it crash down, on this wall.

I love.....seeing his face happy, full of smiles even if its just the car that made him a sweet. Even if thats a lie in its own.

I hate....seeing him spoiled to the point that I worry about how we are raising him. I hate, no one else seeing that, and I hate feeling like everything is a fight about that. About how this little man is being raised.

I hate......feeling that I dont understand love, or how and where and when you're meant to compromise and when you  are meant to draw a line. I hate not knowing what exactly it is im meant to do.

There are just things going on. Beyond that little man, things in life, things I just dont understand. I wish I could say they dont matter, but they do. I dont know where I stand in this relationship. Maybe its just me. So tired of thinking that one through. Im tired of fighting on every front, Im tired of justifying, of explaining. Everything. But I cant get in to that right now, Im trying to swerve off the path of negativity.