And a busy time it has been. Perhaps its just age, but it feels like everything is rushed. Everything has a very definite, very measurable, expiration date. Everything, must happen now. All demands must be met, every mssg answered, every issue resolved. And I find myself wondering, why?
Where and how did I end up in this loop? What loop is this, and do I even care about it. Its all so rushed that I feel I've forgotten how to just slow down. Just stop and look around me. Even things, not written here, feel like they are rushed, and not the same. A passing hi and and an even more fleeting goodnight.
I get caught up in the moment that's called life. A whole life, but still just a moment in a much bigger way. I don't write, I don't think, I just act, and carry on. And not always in the best manner possible. I live to survive, and vice versa. Quite the contradiction, I know. And yet that's how it is. It's life. Its human, and I'm starting to accept or understand that. Its what we all do, just to try and make sure the next day makes sense. Even though the next day is just as confusing as this one was.
There's a thousand different examples. From just the last few weeks alone. But do they really matter? I feel not, life goes on, no matter what you're opinion is. I mean, opinion is just that, opinion. It doesn't matter how you actually feel, as long as it all just plods along, goes according to some plan, somewhere. As long as it all just fits in and works. I'm just so tired of the plan.
Hell I don't even know what that plan is. Or who's it is. I just feel caught up in everyone else's stuff, and not enough in my own. And its my fault. It actually is, and I hate admitting it. I hate admitting that there's something I over looked. Something I missed. But anyway, I guess it boils down to no one is responsible for my happiness except me.
So what would make me happy?
