Why.... Just why.

Im bored. Im sitting outside a boardroom, to be here 'in case' a call drops, because not one of the 18 ppl can dial a simple phone. Not to mention the 19th member of this brain trust, who cant dial a number to join a conference call. Is this what my life has been reduced too? Dialing telephones for the rich and powerful because doing THAT is just too technical.

I need to transfer data from an old iphone, to a new iphone. I need minimum 4 hours. I tell this lady, I need 4 hours, this afternoon is not going to be enough. Can I pick the phone up tomorrow morning? Her answer? Yes, i can have the phone between 9 and 12.

........9.....and...... 12..... Jesus, give me strength. I am really just at that point where I have to wonder what exactly im doing here, and what the fuck is going on with the world. Its like, everyone has gotten so important, and so high profile, that they have de-evolved into shit spewing cabbages. And theyre fully entitled to it, its their right by golly. If they say the sky is green, then ppl around them had better agree! I dont know hey, I just dont think I'm cut out for this anymore. I've done this long enough now to know its not a technical job, to have dialled the same persons into the sane meetings and not seen an ounce of initiative from any one of them in learning....

To dial.....

The phone.

I have a wish, of being able to see the world from their perspective, to understand, or try to understand how and what is going on in their minds. Another one today, a PA calls as she needs help. Lo' and behold, her 17 yr old daughters school project. A list of webpage address's, which need to be printed, photos that need to be printed, and finally laminated. Hold on..... Wait..... WTF!? Really? Well, I couldnt help out with that cause I'm stuck outside a boardroom, waiting for world ending dropped calls (cause thats what happens when calls drop you know.... The whole world grinds to a screeching halt.)

The day we said goodbye

Today turned out to be longer than I ever would of thought. The meds, the routine, the watching, and then today. All the things I dont normally write about, because its life you know? Its part of the routine, part of the day.

And then Roger couldnt walk anymore. He couldnt lift his back legs, he just couldnt. Its only been a week since he went on meds, since he went on pain killers and anti inflamatories. But such a week its been.

In the last breath of this day, for me, it was a shit day. I had to hold him and watch him fall in to that sleep that I knew he wouldnt come back from. I had to tell myself it was for the best. I had to tell myself it was for him. I had to stop him when he growled at the vet, the needle, the impending finish line and lie to him to say that everything would be ok. I had to look him in the eye, and see it fade, that light fade as i told him it was all alright.

He was never just an animal, never just a dog. The things he stood for, what he represented in my life, that list is long and now complete. Im sorry for it all Rog, I'm happy for it all. I just, i guess i just appreciate it all.

Thats it my boy, rest in peace. I hope you dont hold it against me that I said it would all be ok, and then walked away.

Day 1......

I just dont know. Theres only one other person who would maybe ever read this, but I think that moment may have passed. I was looking forward to tonight. Just the company, just being. Instead, here I am with a whiskey and the tv and thinking. I really miss you.