Today turned out to be longer than I ever would of thought. The meds, the routine, the watching, and then today. All the things I dont normally write about, because its life you know? Its part of the routine, part of the day.
And then Roger couldnt walk anymore. He couldnt lift his back legs, he just couldnt. Its only been a week since he went on meds, since he went on pain killers and anti inflamatories. But such a week its been.
In the last breath of this day, for me, it was a shit day. I had to hold him and watch him fall in to that sleep that I knew he wouldnt come back from. I had to tell myself it was for the best. I had to tell myself it was for him. I had to stop him when he growled at the vet, the needle, the impending finish line and lie to him to say that everything would be ok. I had to look him in the eye, and see it fade, that light fade as i told him it was all alright.
He was never just an animal, never just a dog. The things he stood for, what he represented in my life, that list is long and now complete. Im sorry for it all Rog, I'm happy for it all. I just, i guess i just appreciate it all.
Thats it my boy, rest in peace. I hope you dont hold it against me that I said it would all be ok, and then walked away.
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