I've reached a point where I've realized I want to talk, but not to anyone I know.I feel like the people I talk to drain me. Somehow, it always ends up about them. Whatever it is they are going through in life. Their divorces, their adultery, their unhappiness. You name it, I've heard a lot of it.
There are those that say its a wonderful quality to have. That people feel they can talk to me. That they can trust me. And maybe it is, for those who need to talk. But what happens when the listener, needs to talk? Where do you go? The people I listen to are not the people I would ever talk to. I dont know who I would ever trust with whats going on in my head. Or who I would trust enough, to let them convince me its all going to be OK.
Monday, 7 September 2015
Wednesday, 2 September 2015
Lines
Where do you draw the line? What is the line you can not cross? Not about friendship or betrayal. Just a line you don't know how to deal with. My brothers cat had to be euthanized today. I have pets, all of whom I love, I know what pain he is feeling.
A friend of mine, won a mini marathon today. I've never won a race, but I know what the joy she is feeling.
The bounce between conversations, emotions. The wondering if anything in my life is significant too anyone else. Is there someone else out there, who I am at least one side of that coin too? I mean, is someone else out there upset, or happy, about how I feel, or is that a just a dream I have? Where someone holds me, tells me its going to be ok, and congrats on where I am in life.
Yes, I'm married, and for the most part happily. I listen, I try to move in a certain direction, together. I have someone to talk to. That direction has been split a bit over time. I dont have direction of my own anymore, and I feel like it's always me people come to, to make them smile, and feel everything is ok. What if I turned around and said, 'Fuck it, its all screwed. We are all fucked.' What then? If I stopped saying 'Everything will be ok', what then.
I just feel that too many people rely on me to say the whole 'Its ok' line. Im sick to shiza of it.
A friend of mine, won a mini marathon today. I've never won a race, but I know what the joy she is feeling.
The bounce between conversations, emotions. The wondering if anything in my life is significant too anyone else. Is there someone else out there, who I am at least one side of that coin too? I mean, is someone else out there upset, or happy, about how I feel, or is that a just a dream I have? Where someone holds me, tells me its going to be ok, and congrats on where I am in life.
Yes, I'm married, and for the most part happily. I listen, I try to move in a certain direction, together. I have someone to talk to. That direction has been split a bit over time. I dont have direction of my own anymore, and I feel like it's always me people come to, to make them smile, and feel everything is ok. What if I turned around and said, 'Fuck it, its all screwed. We are all fucked.' What then? If I stopped saying 'Everything will be ok', what then.
I just feel that too many people rely on me to say the whole 'Its ok' line. Im sick to shiza of it.
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