Just today

I think....Im losing my shit again. Crashing. Im looking so hard but only seeing shit. Im trying too see that brighter side, that future, but all I'm seeing is a marsh of dark. Im tired. My only means of letting anything out, gone. Im here, alone, solo. Its a kick to the balls when you feel so good and then feel so hollow. But maybe its that kick that needed to happen. Its hard to focus, its hard to try make up the things that were once felt, and are now gone.Its hard to realize this is life.

The bursting bubble leaves only splashes of something that once was. Little drops remembered, left behind. But the dream? Gone. Burst. It leaves me feeling so cold, so angry. I made my way for a while holding that hand. But like anything in life, that hand is gone. And here I am. Angry, despondent, confrontational.

Deep breath, this will pass. Its just today, its just tonight.

2018

Another new year. And no less buzz in my head. Where it all begins, and ends, ja I'm just to drained to write it all out. Where am I now? Im not sure. Definitely numb, cross, unexcited about the new year. Why did I write this? Because I can. And because i haven't written in a while. Just making sure this is still here. Its kak beide surrounded by people and not one you can talk to about certain things. So you're left to your own devices trying to figure shit out from with in the bubble you live. And I dont always trust those answers.