Its been hard to try and shake all of this. To try and put perspective on it, and get back to what I guess you would call a normal life. It will never be normal again, lets face it. But, was it ever normal to begin with? The adventures Ive had and the people I've met.....I'll still have adventures, and I will still meet people. I had to shut down for a while. Had to look at the bubble I live in and rearrange everything in it. Review, repackage, re-prioritise everything. I know I had to say good bye, but I also have to watch this closely, I have to be that much more involved now. I have to be that much more focused now.
Its been just over two weeks now, and even now nothing feels the way it did. But it is changing. It is taking form. What needs to be done, what needs to be watched, the list of cans and can'ts, its all falling in to place. The tests all done, and man that was almost as tough as the news. I hate seeing the little guy cry for mamma and she cant come because she is crying herself. Hes taken a liking to throwing stuff at me. Little shit. But its ok, I understand if he hates me right now. Ive had to take him into every child's nightmare room on more than one occasion over the last two weeks. Maybe one day he will see that it wasnt any fun for me either, and I was just doing what was best for him. I'm sure as they get older, they see these things?
Ive been dying to write almost every day this week. But time just isnt on my side. And sometimes, in hindsight, its better that I didnt. Maybe its a quality vs quantity thing. But this is also the place that I get to vent and rant and try understand a little, without social norms confining me.
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