Saw something interesting today on the way home. I left a bit later than usual, to miss a bit of traffic and to finish off some stuff. Its been a bit of a rough month, things going wrong all over the place, and a lot of fighting both at home and at work. Just a tiring month. So driving home, mulling all the adventures and plans and things to do I stop at a traffic light. Ahead of me, in the next lane, some construction vehicle, with some guys sitting on the back laughing and chatting. And it struck me. They are so much poorer than me, yet, so much more free. I dont mean to use the word poor in a derogatory way. But judging from what they were wearing, they were clean, happy, and on their way home from a day of probably tough manual labor. They were smiling, where I was frowning.

I was also on my way home, but there was no smile or light in me, well not tonight. Only thoughts of things to do tomorrow, how to do them, obstacles that would be there and how I would negotiate them. I've forgotten where the real happiness is. My happiness was another call closed, or the end of a telephone call with some person who normally refuses to listen, or do what I ask them to do, in spite of it being to help them. The end of a meeting (Or one missed altogether), and another hour of no management asking me banal questions I had already given them the answer too. That was now my happiness. How sad that actually is.

I watched them for the duration of my wait at the intersection. And I was jealous. For everything I have, I couldn't find a smile in myself tonight.