Blobtober

 Oct 2021

Im feeling down today. Woke up and just, didnt have it in me. No spark, no will, no drive. I feel tears begind the lids again today. Drinking doesnt help, but it does. Ive started drinking earlier and earlier these days. Why? Because I can. And because its that or.......? I dont like going out, I dont like being around people. There is  no valid excuse for how Im behaving. 

And off to CT we go. Having a whiskey because I'm early. Got some headphones so can at least listen to better music than what's currently playing. I dont know if I like being here or not.The people are interesting, and watching them is intriguing. So many stories, so many lives. And we hustle and bustle past one another, all on a mission. I wonder how many other people stop and look, and wonder about all the stories, all the missions, all the energy for lack of a better word. I wonder why I like being alone so much. Given the choice to be alone, or be in company, well I probably dont have to carry on with that sentence. Im looking forward to seeing Aiden, a lot. Not sure what we are going to do this weekend, but Im sure we will keep ourselves busy. L asked if she must stay or go to her mom, and I dont know. I want to spend time with Aiden, just us two, but she is sick so feel its a bit kak kicking her out of her own place. Been wondering about just going full accomodation and car hire and all. Problem wit that is I cant afford to do it every month. Guess we will have to see. Cant wait till he is old enough to come visit me. Just us two knocking about having adventures. :) Think it will be easier then as we can travel more, and have a bit more freedom. But one day hey.