So today is today. 14th Dec 2014. It all started as a normal, good Sunday. At the end of it, I'm in a foul mood. Man, I'm tired of explaining myself. I'm in a shit mood cause as that festive mood and joy get closer, I feel farther away. I know why, and its the usual story of of life; drama. I have asked my brother how many times what the plan is for Xmas, and I have no reply. I have no answer. I have no purpose, *as usual* for this Christmas. And I hate it, I hate IT, therefore, I hate.

I never thought I would miss my parents, or Christmas with family. I carried on in my life after they were gone, and its always been a small sore point. Maybe getting older has made me more aware of it. There is no one to turn to to, no one to call closer. There is just, nothing in this life I was raised to believe in. I am married, and happily so, and every year the talk is about where do we go for Xmas eve, and where to for Christmas day. I have nothing to add, nothing to fight for in that aspect. It sounds wrong I guess, but its not how I mean it. I want to fight with my wife about who's family we spend Xmas with. I want to have something that I can say is important to me, outside of our relationship. But whats the point in a one sided argument? If I dont get an answer, isnt that answser in its own right? I hate Christmas.